Children and families filled the air with an almost bitter sweet happiness as laughter engulfed the silence. Father Christmas warming the crowds with blazing red cheeks and overwhelming holiday cheer for all. Flashing ornaments blinding your vision with joy provoking colors. Tree’s lined the way to the park square as the giant symbol of this time stood tall and shining in the middle of a gleaming fountain.
But none of this caught my attention, lost in the depths of my mind I sat almost empty staring at these wonders. Nothing was behind these eyes but blank gazes and meaningless views. I had escaped to my memories, a place of quiet where I could finally be at peace alone with her. This girl that made life a little more bearable, that could tempt my smile and undying need for another’s presence. I felt alive in her calming presence yet died in her depressing absence.
The true pain of my inner illusions was that she was held close by another mans arms. I envied the man that had won her in this sick game of life and yet pitied him for kidding himself into thinking he was good enough. Unfortunately, I wasn’t good enough for her myself and I never would be. Her soft features warmed by a kind smile and a laugh that could send my world into chaos as my heart pounded heavily in my chest.
Reality began to pull me back to its cruel truths and blissful ignorance as I drew breath as if I had fallen into a deep slumber. I looked around entertained by the commotion of holiday spirit and the glistening fountain spraying a fine mist of glimmering droplets across my face. All of life’s beauty and hidden wonders invoked thoughts of her never letting me rest my wiry mind but allowing me to never forget that I loved her deeply. I cleared the shimmering glitter from my face but in doing so missed the entrance of her unattainable beauty.
My heart still knew it was her, racing and beating as though it were about meet deaths final visit to this poor soul. I watched as she became a slave to her thoughts bestowing a glistening gaze upon an undeserving monument. I felt the pain of some mistake or problem leak out of her spirit despite this merry time. My body and mind dragged me towards this injured angel demanding to help it fly again. So why resist, fear could not stop my desire as my body seemed to float away dodging any obstacle to keep her from me.
I woke her from some nightmare as the gorgeous color of her eyes crept back into reality. A single grin made its way out as she felt my longing soul call out to her’s. Her body turning cold as curiosity led to tales of misplaced faith and tragic loss of love. She held back her waves of emotion with amazing ability but not even she could halt the creation of that single tear. I could apologize but words meant nothing when someone’s body rung with sounds of a heart breaking in two. I strode distances as I reached to wipe away that single tear making a gesture of compassion and confidence.
I felt her cold face suddenly ignite as she felt my thumb eradicate all the sadness that ran down her smooth cheek. Shocked that anyone could care enough to help remove her weakness, her mind tried to search me for any explanation as to why. But her heart knew the answer, it was pure emotion. Feelings that never have reason or explanation but only presence and true desire, it was the feeling of love for the first time.